Neko's dreamland

I just stoped hoping thats all

2007-04-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

I just stop hoping that's all , I'm such a dreamer for hoping she'll see the real me , and notices me , for once try and understand me for whatever sake's . I'm really really stupid for even hoping for it to happen , it hurt so bad , it just make me want to vanish in to thin air , for almost 23 yrs in my life , I know I'm a failure in her eyes , and damn well in others eyes too , but is it too much to hope for just her understanding . Her tone and words made me feel so hurt and discourage , now even worst using her sickness to threaten me , DO YOU KNOW HOW HURT THOSE WORDS ARE " You want me dead right , i knew it you are hoping me to die , to make my T-cells up" every time you say those words i felt like yelling at you "stop F**KIN put words in my mouth , you stupid hag , you don't know what i think DAMN IT !! FOR YOUR INFORMATION I DON'T DAMN CARE ABOUT WANTING YOU DEAD , COZ IS YOUR OWN FREAKING LIFE , and mostly i avoid thinking about you , coz it hurts me A LOT just to think of YOU . Aunt Cath. is wrong i can't work these emotions things with you that's why i AVOID having my feelings open up to you , instead i keep trying to dig allowance from you to have a bit back fire to you , and get out of the house as often as you are now always at home .

You know what every time i try to start a conversation with you , you either ignore me , or put on your freaking "you're annoying" face to me , how the heck do you think I'll feel about it , OF COURSE IS F**KIN HURT DOES IT EVER OCCURRED YOU IN YOUR MIND!! That's why i lash out all those hurtful words trying to make you feel how I feel . I'm just a failure and accusing tool to you . And it hurt so bad when i first told you what your FREAKING NOW EX HUSBAND did to me , you did nothing NOTHING!! don't even say you just knew it happen between Navy incidence , i told you way long before that incidence happen it's frickin a year ago when you were recovering during your first surgery !! WHAT took you so long , you didn't even come out and protect me and stand up for me , instead you keep it to your self for a year until that incidence happen , and you almost forget about my incidence. It's really really stupid for me to even hope.

You know what I can't blame all this on only you , coz of our pride and arrogance , at least I'm admitting my failure and mistake , but when are you going to admit it . The TRUTH is I'm a failure as a daughter and a human , and you're a failure as a mother . I give up hope , that's why now , I just stoped hoping , that's all .

Don't judge a book , by the cover , or you'll regret.

2007-03-11T17:18:00.000+08:00

BE HOLD!! people in Ipoh Malaysia or anywhere , do not get trick by this woman goodie-goodie face & smooth talk, behind her smooth words are all lies & conspiracy. This terrible hag goes by the name Jennifer Chan Yuet Yeng .

The phrases bellow , which she likes to use for speech:

*"I'm a really good\nice person"

*"I sacrifices my youth for the family"

*"I don't even have my own room & bed , when I'm living in Fair Park"

*"where's my thank you , when I helped you"

*"My own mother & siblings cast me away , for so many years"

*"for all the things I've done for you , what did you repay me"

*"Buy 'this & that' it's really good for you"

*"Why does everyone cast me away , I'm a really good person"

*"Today I'm helping Mrs 'who-who' to buy stuff\do stuff"

THE END OF PART 1 Phrase that's mostly use in her speech .

The end of CruelNeko

2005-10-02T12:18:00.000+08:00

Is a big mistake to live
I'm screaming hoping anyone could hear me
but no one's there for me

I'm already falling apart
I'm a failure
nothing good comes from me

just a parasite in this family
I don't belong in there
where else could I go
where? I ask myself again & again
should have end it long ago

Life been bumpy

2005-07-31T17:18:00.000+08:00

It's been a bumpy pass few months for me , the good thing is I got addicted to a U.S tv series ' Queer as folk' it's about a group of gays and lesbian , but the story are more focus on these 2 couples , Brian x Justin and Ben x Michael . The crazy thing is i bought 4 seasons of queer of folk it cost me RM799(well u guys must be thinkin am i nuts!! well ya i'm nuts!! XD)but i only paid rm400 so i took the 1st 2 season box set 1st , so i still owe Readers rm399....... i guest i'll have to save my lunch money for the next 2 months..............

Well there's also a bad news that shock me until now , my mum was diagnose of breast cancer 3 weeks ago , the good news is the cancer did not spread other places so is a relieve for both of us , she already undergo surgery 5 days ago and now she's alright , but she still have to go for chemotherapy , to keep things save . Iwas really happy after hearing my mum's surgery was a success , but i become depress and insecure again after my mum younger sis whom i despise a lot yesterday came to my house and like fake fake and say she cares alot for me , and then start talkin trash like saying my mum is still sick and like just crush my mood , and then she even talk trash about my friends whom she had no idea who they were or ever met them , she straight away judge them as bad people , what the hell with this women ,she wasn't here in my life for so many years , and suddenly just come barging in my life , well hell i'm gonna let her !! i have decide after my mum is better , i don't want anything to do with my aunt anymore , i don't want her in my life .

Annoying!! intruder

2005-04-26T21:15:00.000+08:00

She has her own family... but she's still greedy... she wants more... more ....my mother's affection, well i admit i'm jelous of her but there's a limit to every thing , i'm sick of her barging in my house every week just for some tiny matters ,and sweet talking my folks . WHAT..THE HECK get your own life girl , well you don't see me running to others people's mom...well any own daugther and sons will feel abit hurt , when your childhood friend see's you as a no good fiend ( well ya i'm not good in my studies , well atleast i'm not faking my own personality , i don't feel ashame of myself )

When i saw her sobbing infront of my mom while telling her ,she didn't get straight A's for her STPM (she got A's too but not all sub , but the result is still great) she say she's a useless person.....this word went through my head leaving me with a though"you did not get all A's for your result , well then i might be put to sleep coz of my bad bad results lol" i still see's her as my best friend few years ago , but things change , she get all cocky coz of her good results (at 1st i was really jelous of her coz of my mum always compare us ...ouch... it really hurts ... well atleast later my mum , notice of my disturbing emotion , and anti- social behaviour . So she stop all the comparison , but it's kinda abit late for that it still left a emotion scar in me that i'm still trying to forget about that feeling. She then started to look down on me , like she's too good to be my friend and ignore me whenever she's in my house or outside , well thats ok for atleast i ain't a faker like her.

LOL this make releave abit of stress ... well this is good XD

2005-04-02T10:36:00.000+08:00

....speechless

2005-04-02T10:34:00.000+08:00

ooo ....

Pinky in Da House!!

2005-03-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

That's my new cat Pinky , it's a male , well it's been living behind my house for a long time ,but can't seem to get near to him when his younger. After quit sometime without doing anything it just seem like to stick and folllow me around almost everywhere. He loves to explore around the house. There's one bad habit about Pinky.....he likes to lick my legs and toes , after that he'll try to bite one of my toes.....TT__TT

GOT SUSPENDED from streamyx!!!!!!!

2005-02-24T14:22:00.000+08:00

Now i'm officially broke...i mean totally broke TT__TT , after paying the streamyx bill rm231...yesterday got suspended from streamyx cause i did not pay the bill for 2 months... , so today after class , i A.S.A.P rushed to telekom and pay ....... next time i'll remember to pay in time... i won't get suspended AGAIN!!
Currently i'm addicted to Xenosaga II , been playing the game every night XD, hoping that they'll reveal Chaos identity in this game . Bleach is getting more and more exciting , ahh i can't wait any longer for the next ep , currently i've got until ep 20 , 6 more eps to ending XD. And Air i'm still no quite understand the story , well it's a really nice and funny anime but , there's definitely something about Yukihito the main characther...... well i just havta wait for the next ep to reveal the mystery .....

Here comes Puff !! the lazy hamster !!

2005-01-18T16:42:00.000+08:00

This is Puff , my hamster his 3 months old ,a very very lazy hamster, usually sleep most of the time ...... and likes to lick around mostly everything you put infront of him, and he'll go lick them.

THAT'S what i looks like (weird)XD

2005-01-11T18:24:00.000+08:00

that's what i looks like , me ish the 1 on the right with the bear ears (i know i look weird XD) people often ask me "are you chinese/huh???you are chinese or you are?" okie i get it i don't look much like chinese , i'm a mix blood chinese + indian , but i can't understand or speak indian language , and no dout i'm already 20yrs old (bokuwa gaki janai!!!! T__T) gonna turn 21 during this year Oct XD

Happy New Year!! huu..huu..Nose bleed mode XD!!

2005-01-05T02:31:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to everyone !!!!!! yes i'm back to normal!!!!(happy CruelNeko !!! swt) okie spend new year eve watching animes , then 1st of Jan, ran straight to my beloved hangout place ...da..da..da... New Century bookstore!!!!! rented 14 books from there, 8 yaoi mangas and 6 yaoi novels.....huu..huu... but unfortunately , I've already finish reading the all the books that I had rented , was hoping it will last me for atleast 1 week T_T. 2nd of Jan , I've found a kitten!!!! I think it's about 2-3 weeks old and that little creature has no fear of humans..... i guest it was abandoned by it owner , the kitten is a he and it really looks like a smaller version of my departed cat FatBaby , the difference is FatBaby's tail is short , and the kitten's tail is long . it's kinda hard to get the kitten to eat ...... it's quite fussy about the milk..... and the feeding. 4th of Jan , finally!!!! Navy manage to get the kitten to drink up the whole cup of milk , and now the kitten see's Navy as his mother XD!! Just finish watching Boku no sexual harassment(story kinda crappy but quality not bad) , ai no kusabi( great story..but quality really bad) and kizuna(kinda funny the story, 1st 2 episodes quality kinda good but art work crappy , 3rd episode artwork beautiful but video quality sucks..) To all the Fans of Mirage of Blaze , if u guys think that you don't have enough of Mirage of Blaze tv series...... daa..daa... there's Mirage of Blaze OVA , the story continue after the tv series !!!!! i've just watch 2 eps of the OVA and it's great , and the quality is really good , the torrents you can get in http://www.geocities.com/aarinfantasy8/ so enjoy XD

Another miserable Christmas for me...

2004-12-24T02:30:00.000+08:00

I can't feel the Christmas atmosphere or have any Christmas spirit this year AGAIN.... Every year Christmas i feel so left out, i hate it during Christmas eves . Well this year Christmas eve i'll be spending my eve's alone in my room again. Don't wanna get out even to the nearest store cause the mamak store near there i'll see lotsa people happily having fun together , and that makes me feel so lonely. I don't have anyone to turn to...... this year again, i guest that show how unsociable and few friends i have. I envy those who have a buncha friends to have fun together during this holiday spirit, all i can do is release some of my loneliness in here.....

Well, Merry Christmas to all of you who had been into this blog , and thanks for reading this

Rozen Maiden is full of gothic lolita DOLLS!!

2004-11-26T20:38:00.000+08:00

I'm addicted to Rozen Maiden, the story gets better and better in every episodes. On the upper left and right there's Shinku , she's really bossy and demanding as a doll XD , down on the left that's Hina-Ichigo , she's really cute but can be really annoying with all the crying ....and on the left that's Jun the poor main characther, suddenly his room gets invaded by the dolls . Later on in the story, there'll be more DOLLS!!

Elfen lied ...... is a tragic story but i still love it XD

2004-11-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today i watched elfen lied again , and again i still hate Yuka the main characther bossy cousin who had a crush on Kouta (main characther) since she was a child . The Tragic love between Nyu/Lucy(girl in the pic) and Kouta still nearly bring tears to my eyes T.T . Ahhh Lilium the opening song for Elfen lied i still can't find the full ver. yet can anyone tell me where i can get it...... ahhh the song stills haunts me >.<

2004-11-25T15:35:00.000+08:00

the boy with short hair is Ten-chan XD

Back to my normal life style

2004-11-25T14:16:00.000+08:00

This is my 1st blog , so i'm still not use to the settings yet.................... hope soon i'll be use to it ^^ , this week i'm still waiting for soukyuu no fafner ep 18 to release........the story get really interesting now , and ep 18 are suppose to release last week , well maybe it delay something like that do always happen , so all i have to do is just wait ^^. I've watched 'formula17'(taiwan yaoi movie) 7 times already , since i got it on last wednesday XD woooo Ten-chan(the uke) is so so cute XD , all yaoi fans should watch this movie, it's really good XD !!

Yesterday i went back to college and found out that, i no need to do the presentation for this semester WoooHooo super lucky XD !! all i have to do is just pass up all my works on 6th of dec , then i'll be free to go anywhere .