I just stoped hoping thats all

I just stop hoping that's all , I'm such a dreamer for hoping she'll see the real me , and notices me , for once try and understand me for whatever sake's . I'm really really stupid for even hoping for it to happen , it hurt so bad , it just make me want to vanish in to thin air , for almost 23 yrs in my life , I know I'm a failure in her eyes , and damn well in others eyes too , but is it too much to hope for just her understanding . Her tone and words made me feel so hurt and discourage , now even worst using her sickness to threaten me , DO YOU KNOW HOW HURT THOSE WORDS ARE " You want me dead right , i knew it you are hoping me to die , to make my T-cells up" every time you say those words i felt like yelling at you "stop F**KIN put words in my mouth , you stupid hag , you don't know what i think DAMN IT !! FOR YOUR INFORMATION I DON'T DAMN CARE ABOUT WANTING YOU DEAD , COZ IS YOUR OWN FREAKING LIFE , and mostly i avoid thinking about you , coz it hurts me A LOT just to think of YOU . Aunt Cath. is wrong i can't work these emotions things with you that's why i AVOID having my feelings open up to you , instead i keep trying to dig allowance from you to have a bit back fire to you , and get out of the house as often as you are now always at home .

You know what every time i try to start a conversation with you , you either ignore me , or put on your freaking "you're annoying" face to me , how the heck do you think I'll feel about it , OF COURSE IS F**KIN HURT DOES IT EVER OCCURRED YOU IN YOUR MIND!! That's why i lash out all those hurtful words trying to make you feel how I feel . I'm just a failure and accusing tool to you . And it hurt so bad when i first told you what your FREAKING NOW EX HUSBAND did to me , you did nothing NOTHING!! don't even say you just knew it happen between Navy incidence , i told you way long before that incidence happen it's frickin a year ago when you were recovering during your first surgery !! WHAT took you so long , you didn't even come out and protect me and stand up for me , instead you keep it to your self for a year until that incidence happen , and you almost forget about my incidence. It's really really stupid for me to even hope.

You know what I can't blame all this on only you , coz of our pride and arrogance , at least I'm admitting my failure and mistake , but when are you going to admit it . The TRUTH is I'm a failure as a daughter and a human , and you're a failure as a mother . I give up hope , that's why now , I just stoped hoping , that's all .

Don't judge a book , by the cover , or you'll regret.

BE HOLD!! people in Ipoh Malaysia or anywhere , do not get trick by this woman goodie-goodie face & smooth talk, behind her smooth words are all lies & conspiracy. This terrible hag goes by the name Jennifer Chan Yuet Yeng .

The phrases bellow , which she likes to use for speech:

*"I'm a really good\nice person"

*"I sacrifices my youth for the family"

*"I don't even have my own room & bed , when I'm living in Fair Park"

*"where's my thank you , when I helped you"

*"My own mother & siblings cast me away , for so many years"

*"for all the things I've done for you , what did you repay me"

*"Buy 'this & that' it's really good for you"

*"Why does everyone cast me away , I'm a really good person"

*"Today I'm helping Mrs 'who-who' to buy stuff\do stuff"

THE END OF PART 1 Phrase that's mostly use in her speech .

The end of CruelNeko

Is a big mistake to live
I'm screaming hoping anyone could hear me
but no one's there for me

I'm already falling apart
I'm a failure
nothing good comes from me

just a parasite in this family
I don't belong in there
where else could I go
where? I ask myself again & again
should have end it long ago

Life been bumpy

It's been a bumpy pass few months for me , the good thing is I got addicted to a U.S tv series ' Queer as folk' it's about a group of gays and lesbian , but the story are more focus on these 2 couples , Brian x Justin and Ben x Michael . The crazy thing is i bought 4 seasons of queer of folk it cost me RM799(well u guys must be thinkin am i nuts!! well ya i'm nuts!! XD)but i only paid rm400 so i took the 1st 2 season box set 1st , so i still owe Readers rm399....... i guest i'll have to save my lunch money for the next 2 months..............

Well there's also a bad news that shock me until now , my mum was diagnose of breast cancer 3 weeks ago , the good news is the cancer did not spread other places so is a relieve for both of us , she already undergo surgery 5 days ago and now she's alright , but she still have to go for chemotherapy , to keep things save . Iwas really happy after hearing my mum's surgery was a success , but i become depress and insecure again after my mum younger sis whom i despise a lot yesterday came to my house and like fake fake and say she cares alot for me , and then start talkin trash like saying my mum is still sick and like just crush my mood , and then she even talk trash about my friends whom she had no idea who they were or ever met them , she straight away judge them as bad people , what the hell with this women ,she wasn't here in my life for so many years , and suddenly just come barging in my life , well hell i'm gonna let her !! i have decide after my mum is better , i don't want anything to do with my aunt anymore , i don't want her in my life .

Annoying!! intruder

She has her own family... but she's still greedy... she wants more... more ....my mother's affection, well i admit i'm jelous of her but there's a limit to every thing , i'm sick of her barging in my house every week just for some tiny matters ,and sweet talking my folks . WHAT..THE HECK get your own life girl , well you don't see me running to others people's mom...well any own daugther and sons will feel abit hurt , when your childhood friend see's you as a no good fiend ( well ya i'm not good in my studies , well atleast i'm not faking my own personality , i don't feel ashame of myself )

When i saw her sobbing infront of my mom while telling her ,she didn't get straight A's for her STPM (she got A's too but not all sub , but the result is still great) she say she's a useless person.....this word went through my head leaving me with a though"you did not get all A's for your result , well then i might be put to sleep coz of my bad bad results lol" i still see's her as my best friend few years ago , but things change , she get all cocky coz of her good results (at 1st i was really jelous of her coz of my mum always compare us ...ouch... it really hurts ... well atleast later my mum , notice of my disturbing emotion , and anti- social behaviour . So she stop all the comparison , but it's kinda abit late for that it still left a emotion scar in me that i'm still trying to forget about that feeling. She then started to look down on me , like she's too good to be my friend and ignore me whenever she's in my house or outside , well thats ok for atleast i ain't a faker like her.

LOL this make releave abit of stress ... well this is good XD

....speechless

ooo ....

Pinky in Da House!!

That's my new cat Pinky , it's a male , well it's been living behind my house for a long time ,but can't seem to get near to him when his younger. After quit sometime without doing anything it just seem like to stick and folllow me around almost everywhere. He loves to explore around the house. There's one bad habit about Pinky.....he likes to lick my legs and toes , after that he'll try to bite one of my toes.....TT__TT